Will our boys get a semi? Euroguff day 17

The Germans await and, increasingly, England expects.??

How will the papers take the result? We asked Dr Emmet Brown to explain tabloid timelines:

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Free England hat!

Simply follow these instructions to support the Engerland

  1. Print out this bowler hat
  2. Ask an adult to use some scissors to carefully cut round the edge
  3. Use double-sided Sellotape and stick onto a Cornflakes packet
  4. That's it!
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Standings
Can anyone catch Paulo Di Harringtono?

My Name is, my name is Slim Shady ??
1 Paulo Di Harringtonio Paul Harrington 68
2= Ronaldo McDonald?? Cephas Howard?? 60
2= Yankee's Spankers Dave Robertshaw 60
2= Fabio Crapello Martin B 60
2= Stevie's Wunders Steve Andrews 60
6= Tim Henman david hickson 58
6= Simon Grayson Paul Revy 58
6= Brown Fox Jim Chambers 58
6= Arsenedof Nowhere Darren Hanson 58
6= Gazza Gary Taylor 58
6= Swiss T Thomas Angst 58
12= B B Foot Rory 56
12= Mrs Euroguff Mrs Carlosfandango_ 56
12= Vuvuzela???? Sandra Benfer 56
12= Christophe Woodini Chris Wood 56
12= Anjusha Klins-Morinho Anna Wilson 56
17= DK Willy DK 54
17= Sepp Bladder Carl Mesner Lyons 54
17= roy the hodgson harvey 54
17= Simoneo Huesserelli Simon Huesser 54
17= Naven Johnson Eddie Vassallo 54
17= Kicker Conspiracy Tim Fiddies 54
17= Hansi Mueller Bernd Friedle 54
24= Canary Simon Barnes 52
24= Mozzer Paul Conroy 52
24= Hatch's Heros Chris Matthews 52
24= The Special [Measures] One Tim Donnelly Smith 52
24= Letina lotagoals?? Berry 52
29= Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box) Matt Brooke-Smith 50
29= Harry Redface Dan McGrath 50
29= Is Pele Playing? John Orta 50
32= Dario Made-the-Gradi David of Crook 48
32= Scotty McNasty Andrew Robb 48
32= Toy Bodgson Tom Barton 48
32= Wheat Dodger Leanne McGirr 48
32= Del Garnett Darren Gavigan 48
37= Benny The Ball Nick Townend 46
37= Don revie Simon Andrews 46
37= Earsane Wanger Paul Shaw 46
37= Tom Laidlaw Tom Laidlaw 46
37= Toy Dodgson Kelsey O 46
37= Ivor Greatidea Steve Edney 46
37= Wicked Woy Wodgson David Patterson 46
37= Trap A Tony Tony Power 46
45= Andy Grey Darren Holdaway 44
45= 2012sheds Pete smith 44
45= Steve Mclaren JT 44
45= Big Ron Colonel Saunders Andrew Hartland 44
45= Normski Gunner Norman House 44
45= Dirk Diggler Nik Goodman 44
51= Bayer Neverlusen Rob Broome 42
51= Roy Hodgson John Catterfeld 42
51= Mike Bassett Eamonn Newell 42
51= McFuddle 'O Toole Gordon?? 42
51= George Osborne is a twat Andy Young 42
51= Bring Back Bobby Robson Dan Jamieson 42
51= Bill Shankly Bob Steadman 42
58= El Pringle Keith Pringle 40
58= Septic Tank Charlton Jeremy Crisp 40
58= Mr. Awesome Geroge Pokorny 40
58= Claudio Inglesias Failte Claude Tonna-Barthet 40
62 Messi Gardener Johnny T?? 38
63= Strev87 dave strevett 36
63= Soccer Sage Mike Xenakis 36
65 Lorem Ipsum Jon D 34
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??- David Cameron offering moral guidance, yesterday

Up the Twitter

The Hunger Game – Euroguff day 16

QF2: Germany v Greece – exclusive photograph

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QF3: France v Spain
On paper, wine-guzzling France should trounce their bull-bothering neighbours, but there are no easy games at this level

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??

Standings
Just four points were up for grabs for those who had Greece facing an impossible defecit last night

Greece name Grease name ??
1 Paulo Di Harringtonio Paul Harrington 64
2 Yankee's Spankers Dave Robertshaw 60
3= Tim Henman david hickson 58
3= Swiss T Thomas Angst 58
5= Ronaldo McDonald?? Cephas Howard?? 56
5= Mrs Euroguff Mrs Carlosfandango_ 56
5= Fabio Crapello Martin B 56
5= Stevie's Wunders Steve Andrews 56
9= Simon Grayson Paul Revy 54
9= Brown Fox Jim Chambers 54
9= Arsenedof Nowhere Darren Hanson 54
9= Simoneo Huesserelli Simon Huesser 54
9= Gazza Gary Taylor 54
14= B B Foot Rory 52
14= Canary Simon Barnes 52
14= Vuvuzela???? Sandra Benfer 52
14= Christophe Woodini Chris Wood 52
14= Anjusha Klins-Morinho Anna Wilson 52
14= Hatch's Heros Chris Matthews 52
14= The Special [Measures] One Tim Donnelly Smith 52
14= Letina lotagoals?? Berry 52
22= DK Willy DK 50
22= Sepp Bladder Carl Mesner Lyons 50
22= roy the hodgson harvey 50
22= Naven Johnson Eddie Vassallo 50
22= Kicker Conspiracy Tim Fiddies 50
22= Hansi Mueller Bernd Friedle 50
28= Scotty McNasty Andrew Robb 48
28= Mozzer Paul Conroy 48
28= Wheat Dodger Leanne McGirr 48
28= Del Garnett Darren Gavigan 48
32= Benny The Ball Nick Townend 46
32= Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box) Matt Brooke-Smith 46
32= Toy Dodgson Kelsey O 46
32= Harry Redface Dan McGrath 46
32= Is Pele Playing? John Orta 46
32= Wicked Woy Wodgson David Patterson 46
38= Andy Grey Darren Holdaway 44
38= 2012sheds Pete smith 44
38= Dario Made-the-Gradi David of Crook 44
38= Toy Bodgson Tom Barton 44
38= Big Ron Colonel Saunders Andrew Hartland 44
38= Normski Gunner Norman House 44
38= Dirk Diggler Nik Goodman 44
45= Bayer Neverlusen Rob Broome 42
45= Mike Bassett Eamonn Newell 42
45= Don revie Simon Andrews 42
45= Earsane Wanger Paul Shaw 42
45= Tom Laidlaw Tom Laidlaw 42
45= Ivor Greatidea Steve Edney 42
45= Bring Back Bobby Robson Dan Jamieson 42
45= Bill Shankly Bob Steadman 42
45= Trap A Tony Tony Power 42
54= El Pringle Keith Pringle 40
54= Steve Mclaren JT 40
54= Septic Tank Charlton Jeremy Crisp 40
54= Mr. Awesome Geroge Pokorny 40
54= Claudio Inglesias Failte Claude Tonna-Barthet 40
59= Roy Hodgson John Catterfeld 38
59= McFuddle 'O Toole Gordon?? 38
59= George Osborne is a twat Andy Young 38
59= Messi Gardener Johnny T?? 38
63 Strev87 dave strevett 36
64 Lorem Ipsum Jon D 34
65 Soccer Sage Mike Xenakis 32

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Twitter, Twitter ??ber alles

?????????????? ???????? ???? ?????????????? ???????? – Euroguff Day 15

Haloumi, Hallo you
I am typing this on one of those new retsina screens ahead of donertime tonight when Greece will pitta their skills against Germany.??May the feta team win.

Six percent of Ouzoguffers have Greece going out at this stage, and 11% have the Germans coming down from Mount Olympus.??
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The Greek teamsheet
But for hamstring injuries, and certain fantastical beasts, the Greek XI could have been heroic:
  1. Achilles, hero of the Trojan War and a central character in Homer's Iliad
  2. Ajax the Great, a hero of the Trojan War and king of Salamis
  3. Bellerophon, hero who slew the Chimera
  4. Daedalus, creator of the labyrinth and great inventor.
  5. Diomedes, a king of Argos (not the shop) and hero of the Trojan War
  6. Ganymede, Trojan hero and lover of Zeus, who was given immortality and appointed cup-bearer to the gods
  7. Jason, leader of the Argonauts
  8. Odysseus, a hero and king of Ithaca whose adventures are the subject of Homer's Odyssey
  9. Orpheus, a legendary musician and poet who attempted to retrieve his dead wife from the Underworld
  10. Perseus, son of Zeus and the founder-king of Mycenae and slayer of the Gorgon Medusa
  11. Theseus, son of Poseidon, a king of Athens and slayer of the Minotaur

Stand in the place where you were, now face north. Think about direction wonder why you haven't before
League table after last night's Ronaldo show. 48% of you correctly predicted a Czech exit at this stage.

Hummus Taramasalata ??
1 Paulo Di Harringtonio Paul Harrington 64
2 Yankee's Spankers Dave Robertshaw 60
3 Tim Henman david hickson 58
4= Ronaldo McDonald?? Cephas Howard?? 56
4= Mrs Euroguff Mrs Carlosfandango_ 56
4= Fabio Crapello Martin B 56
4= Stevie's Wunders Steve Andrews 56
8= Simon Grayson Paul Revy 54
8= Brown Fox Jim Chambers 54
8= Arsenedof Nowhere Darren Hanson 54
8= Simoneo Huesserelli Simon Huesser 54
8= Gazza Gary Taylor 54
8= Swiss T Thomas Angst 54
14= B B Foot Rory 52
14= Vuvuzela???? Sandra Benfer 52
14= Christophe Woodini Chris Wood 52
14= Anjusha Klins-Morinho Anna Wilson 52
14= The Special [Measures] One Tim Donnelly Smith 52
14= Letina lotagoals?? Berry 52
20= DK Willy DK 50
20= Sepp Bladder Carl Mesner Lyons 50
20= roy the hodgson harvey 50
20= Naven Johnson Eddie Vassallo 50
20= Kicker Conspiracy Tim Fiddies 50
20= Hansi Mueller Bernd Friedle 50
26= Scotty McNasty Andrew Robb 48
26= Canary Simon Barnes 48
26= Mozzer Paul Conroy 48
26= Wheat Dodger Leanne McGirr 48
26= Hatch's Heros Chris Matthews 48
26= Del Garnett Darren Gavigan 48
32= Benny The Ball Nick Townend 46
32= Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box) Matt Brooke-Smith 46
32= Toy Dodgson Kelsey O 46
32= Harry Redface Dan McGrath 46
32= Is Pele Playing? John Orta 46
32= Wicked Woy Wodgson David Patterson 46
38= Andy Grey Darren Holdaway 44
38= 2012sheds Pete smith 44
38= Toy Bodgson Tom Barton 44
38= Big Ron Colonel Saunders Andrew Hartland 44
38= Normski Gunner Norman House 44
38= Dirk Diggler Nik Goodman 44
44= Bayer Neverlusen Rob Broome 42
44= Mike Bassett Eamonn Newell 42
44= Don revie Simon Andrews 42
44= Earsane Wanger Paul Shaw 42
44= Tom Laidlaw Tom Laidlaw 42
44= Ivor Greatidea Steve Edney 42
44= Bring Back Bobby Robson Dan Jamieson 42
44= Bill Shankly Bob Steadman 42
44= Trap A Tony Tony Power 42
53= Dario Made-the-Gradi David of Crook 40
53= El Pringle Keith Pringle 40
53= Steve Mclaren JT 40
53= Septic Tank Charlton Jeremy Crisp 40
53= Mr. Awesome Geroge Pokorny 40
53= Claudio Inglesias Failte Claude Tonna-Barthet 40
59= Roy Hodgson John Catterfeld 38
59= McFuddle 'O Toole Gordon?? 38
59= George Osborne is a twat Andy Young 38
59= Messi Gardener Johnny T?? 38
63 Strev87 dave strevett 36
64 Lorem Ipsum Jon D 34
65 Soccer Sage Mike Xenakis 32

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Meet and tweet

Drawn and quartered – Euroguff Day 14

Now it’s a knockout

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 – Ed Stewart Stuart Hall, yesterday

Prophets of doom
91% of Euroguffers incorrectly predicted the Greeks would have exited the Euro(s) by now, and 15% had no faith that England would get out of the group stages.
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TODAY’S BIG MATCH – Czech Rep. v Portugal

22% of Euroguffers thought Portugal would go out at this quarter final stage whereas a whopping 48% had their opponents Czeching out tonight. 

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 – Ronaldo hiding a zit, yesterday

NEW FEATURE – Euroguff University
#1 – the greatest penalty in Euroguff history
In 1976 the final was between Czechoslovakia and West Germany. After extra time, it was 2–2, and the first penalty shootout in a final ensued. The first seven kicks were converted and then Uli Hoeneß, ballooned his over the bar. With the score at 4–3, Antonin Panenka stepped up to take the fifth Czechoslovakian penalty. Legendary German goalkeeper Sepp Maier dived to his left, while Panenka chipped the ball straight down the middle of the net. It was the ultimate death or glory gamble – and it paid off. Just look at their faces! Panenka is still a hero to many and his name is synonymous with that type of shot.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tp2HZNheCZ8?wmode=transparent]

Standings including points for guessing first round exits

  Quarter Master Quarter Pounder  
1 Paulo Di Harringtonio Paul Harrington 60
2= Mrs Euroguff Mrs Carlosfandango_ 56
2= Yankee’s Spankers Dave Robertshaw 56
4= Tim Henman david hickson 54
4= Simoneo Huesserelli Simon Huesser 54
6= B B Foot Rory 52
6= Ronaldo McDonald  Cephas Howard  52
6= Vuvuzela   Sandra Benfer 52
6= Fabio Crapello Martin B 52
6= Stevie’s Wunders Steve Andrews 52
6= Letina lotagoals  Berry 52
12= Sepp Bladder Carl Mesner Lyons 50
12= Simon Grayson Paul Revy 50
12= Brown Fox Jim Chambers 50
12= Arsenedof Nowhere Darren Hanson 50
12= Naven Johnson Eddie Vassallo 50
12= Gazza Gary Taylor 50
12= Hansi Mueller Bernd Friedle 50
12= Swiss T Thomas Angst 50
20= Wheat Dodger Leanne McGirr 48
20= Christophe Woodini Chris Wood 48
20= Anjusha Klins-Morinho Anna Wilson 48
20= Hatch’s Heros Chris Matthews 48
20= The Special [Measures] One Tim Donnelly Smith 48
20= Del Garnett Darren Gavigan 48
26= DK Willy DK 46
26= roy the hodgson harvey 46
26= Toy Dodgson Kelsey O 46
26= Harry Redface Dan McGrath 46
26= Is Pele Playing? John Orta 46
26= Kicker Conspiracy Tim Fiddies 46
26= Wicked Woy Wodgson David Patterson 46
33= Andy Grey Darren Holdaway 44
33= 2012sheds Pete smith 44
33= Scotty McNasty Andrew Robb 44
33= Toy Bodgson Tom Barton 44
33= Canary Simon Barnes 44
33= Mozzer Paul Conroy 44
33= Dirk Diggler Nik Goodman 44
40= Benny The Ball Nick Townend 42
40= Don revie Simon Andrews 42
40= Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box) Matt Brooke-Smith 42
40= Earsane Wanger Paul Shaw 42
40= Tom Laidlaw Tom Laidlaw 42
40= Ivor Greatidea Steve Edney 42
40= Bring Back Bobby Robson Dan Jamieson 42
40= Bill Shankly Bob Steadman 42
48= Dario Made-the-Gradi David of Crook 40
48= El Pringle Keith Pringle 40
48= Steve Mclaren JT 40
48= Big Ron Colonel Saunders Andrew Hartland 40
48= Normski Gunner Norman House 40
53= Bayer Neverlusen Rob Broome 38
53= Mike Bassett Eamonn Newell 38
53= McFuddle ‘O Toole Gordon  38
53= George Osborne is a twat Andy Young 38
53= Trap A Tony Tony Power 38
53= Messi Gardener Johnny T  38
59= Strev87 dave strevett 36
59= Septic Tank Charlton Jeremy Crisp 36
59= Mr. Awesome Geroge Pokorny 36
59= Claudio Inglesias Failte Claude Tonna-Barthet 36
63= Roy Hodgson John Catterfeld 34
63= Lorem Ipsum Jon D 34
65 Soccer Sage Mike Xenakis 32

Countdown to Sunday – the England hype machine stirs

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They Told Him Don’t You Ever Come Around Here
Don’t Wanna See Your Face, You Better Disappear
The Fire’s In Their Eyes And Their Words Are Really Clear

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